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October 19, 2023 6 min read 1 Comment

motherhood-wisdom-parenting-baby

Today on our journal, we have the privilege of chatting with Victoria Beattie about all things motherhood! Vic is mum to three beautiful little ones and is the co- founder of The Beach People. She’s the definition of a boss babe but is incredibly genuine and down to earth, with so much heart and wisdom to share. Here we goooo….

*Trigger warning—Victoria speaks about miscarriage.

What’s one thing that makes you feel alive?

Occasionally - Swimming up and under a waterfall. 

Daily - A cup of Madura English breakfast tea first thing in the morning, while journalling and snuggling my kids in bed, I love starting the day this way. 

You first became a mum eight years ago now! How has motherhood changed you?

Gosh, in every way possible. It’s brought so much joy into my life. I loved my life before kids and now with kids I love it even more than I expected to. It’s challenging but even that produces so much beauty in my life, it’s made me more resilient, more selfless and more purposeful…I think it’s also changed how I manage my time. I want to spend as much time with my kids without plans, just being together. So it’s made me be more organised and purposeful in what I do and don’t say yes to and how I structure my day. Before kids I only had myself and my husband to think of really. Now I think how can I spend my day making sure all my kids love tanks are full and their emotional and physical needs are met. Unless I feel truly called to something I would rather just be with my family. It’s also made me want to be at home more. Before kids I was always out and about, now I love a Friday night at home with my tribe… watching a family movie, it’s the simple things. 

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As a businesswoman and mum of 3, how do you find a work/life balance?

We have chosen to keep our kids in our care (with 4-5 hours help from the grandparents) until they start pre-school (kindergarten in QLD). This mixed with having my own business works 95% of the time and 5% of the time it’s comical how wild it is! I often think "if anyone saw this right now this content would go viral!" lol! It also has a financial sacrifice, but the time spent with our kids is irreplaceable and it’s a choice we have never regretted. 

I am very grateful that when I am not with my children my husband usually is. Not having to rely on outside help has its perks. I don’t need to hand over a list of notes or worry if a child is sick etc, I know they are safe and happy with their Daddy. (the other perk is I come home from work to the domestic duties being kept up with, washing, school bags and dinner done etc). It’s not for everyone but it works for us. As my work got busier my husband stepped up to help carry the load and I think that’s how it works for us. 

So to answer the question I find the balance ok mostly because of the support I have. 

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Can you share with us about your journey with miscarriage and what that heartbreaking season taught you?

Goodness, where do I start. It’s a longggg story. I was surprised to find out I was 8 weeks pregnant in 2015 with my son Theodore. We weren’t really trying. I had a great pregnancy, birth and Theodore was a wonderful baby, we really enjoyed the transition to parenthood. So we thought we would have another straight away when Theodore was 1 and give him a sibling. We had 4 consecutive miscarriages. They were so traumatic, heartbreaking, physical, shocking. I remember thinking after my first one “I can never go through this again”, it was like being pushed under a wave when you were already drowning with each one that happened. It just completely broke me. I had no answers. I was actually forced to take stress leave for 12 weeks. It took me 6 weeks and a trip to America to organise it. I rested and spent time with Theodore. I’m a Christian and I really found peace and comfort in my faith in this time. I think the season taught me so much. I would never want to go through it again but I really did come out a different person. I think I am more compassionate to suffering, more understanding of people’s hardships and I also am so grateful to be a Mum. I was able to conceive and have my daughter after this we named her Patience (for obvious reasons), her middle name is Atarangi which is a Māori name (my husband is Māori from Aotearoa) and it means to bring in the sun, a new day, a morning dawn. That’s what Patience has been in our lives, pure joy. She in no way healed me or replaced the losses we had but it is a new day.

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For anyone going through anything similar, I hope my story brings you some peace. It really is so hard, you aren’t alone. I wish my story went on to be smooth sailing after this, however we had another loss trying for our third. We were able to then conceive our third child, Camille. Goodness, carrying a baby after 5 losses was one of the hardest seasons of just having to choose hope every day. I would almost have panic attacks at the blood tests, pathology, scans, specialists and hospital appointments, just my body remembering the history I guess. I was so grateful to be pregnant, but gosh carrying a baby after my journey was a daily decision to not freak out! We did it! Camille was born and we are a family of 5 now! Her middle name is a very traditional Māori name - He Atawhai O Te Atua which means God is gracious and kind. We are eternally thankful for our kids. Gosh I need a dip in the ocean after writing that out. I hope it helps someone. 

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What is one piece of advice that would you give a new mum?

Breath it all in, it goes so fast! 

I would say to make sure if you are married or have a partner to make sure you prioritise regular time with the other, for me, my relationship with my husband has been the glue in our parenting journey, I think it’s important for the kids to see that too. I am obsessed with my kids, but one day they will grow up and move out, whattttt, I’m working on the relationship that I am going to retire with one day! Ha! 

I would also encourage you to find a Mum about 10 years ahead whose family you are attracted too. What I mean is, do you like being around them and their kids, do you feel good when you are with them, is there peace, joy, respect. Things that you value… Watch how the parents’ talk to their kids, value their kids, how does the Dad/Mum discipline the kids, does the family look like they are enjoying the journey, is each child encouraged to be themselves? These are things I value. I found two women like this and I learn from them. All my close friends and I are in the same boat, while we can inspire each other in the day to day I learn from the Mummas ahead on the journey. Where I can see the things that they did obviously worked because they seem to all be having a mostly good time! Ha! I am not looking for or trying to be perfect, I’m inspired by the mums that are having fun and doing their best. 

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Motherhood is a wild ride—a messy, beautiful, ever-changing one! What has been the best and hardest part of motherhood?

The best is the love and joy you feel. It’s honestly been the best season of my life having children. I love it. It’s also been the hardest! The hardest part I would have to say is leaving the house, seriously, I almost peak and explode, just being honest. I go to some dark places just getting in the car bahahaha. I have to literally deep breathe just getting the kids out of the house. Such a simple thing, that I used to take for granted. I am working on it, but so far not one of my children has the ability to leave the house like a normal human, without an enormous amount of assistance, it’s like herding goats while carrying a baby and a coffee. I hope that anyone reading this feels encouraged and seen. Once they and all their weird things are in the car I close the doors and walking slowing around to my car door saying “you’ve got this, you did it” bahahaha. Thankfully we only have to get in the car 3-4 times a day…  send help. 

Do you have a handy mum hack you could share?

I often pick herbs, flowers and leaves from our garden and surprise the girls with a “flower bath”, it keeps them entertained for 30mintues (supervised) and for a 1 and 4 year old that’s pretty good! 

 

We hope you enjoyed this Journal and all the wonderful things Victoria had to share! If you loved this content and wish to see more like it let us know by showing your support. Leave a comment below or send us a message.

 

1 Response

nicola
nicola

October 24, 2023

Love this. Talking about the heartbreak of a miscarriage is super hard.

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